Someone Like You.

I had hoped you'd see my face,

And that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind
I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too,
Don't forget me I beg,
I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead."

There are many things I could blame this new stress on.

I could say it's the sudden realisation that I'm finally in year twelve.

I could say it's the sudden realisation that I'm losing my singing voice.

I could say it's the sudden realisation that I don't actually have as much money as I used to.

I could say it's the sudden realisation that my next musical is in less than a month, and I still don't know all my lines.

I could say it's the fact that my job slowly destroys my hands more and more, every time I work.

I could say it's my lack of motivation to do schoolwork.

I could say it's a lot of things.

But we all know it actually comes down to you. Because as much as those things stress me out, you still remain my top priority.

I don't know why, and I don't know how. But you are, and I've come to accept that.

And this stress I have? It doesn't just go away. 

It doesn't matter how many stress-balls I buy, tea I drink, or bubble baths I take - you're still there, forever sitting at the back of my mind. 

And thinking about you hurts. 

And talking about you hurts. 

Heck, talking to you hurts.

When I even do talk to you that is.

And as I sit here with my cracked hands and my unwritten English essay, I'll remember all those times we had. And I won't regret them. Even though they're all I can think about as I go through my days. Even though they cause me such distractions that my grades have dropped. That my mood stays low. 

If you could see me now, would you have stopped this? Would you have changed those things that sent me to the place I'm seemingly stuck in? 

I always find myself listening to the songs that relate to me. The lyrics are what I hold on to. 

"Why do you have so many depressing songs on your ipod?" - people ask me. Though there should be no need to ask.

I'll admit, I've been a bit better lately. But you know that you'd pushed me through hell. You know that I'd survived that first time 'round. I'm resilient. I cope with the cruel things life brings with the hope that something better will come along. Because maybe, just maybe, if I put up with the bad, I'll be granted with something good. 

Like a new job.

Like a smarter self.

Like a stronger voice.

Like a better you. 

Fingers crossed.