It's Complicated.

"Don't dream too far.
Don't lose sight of who you are.
Don't remember that rush of joy.
He could be that boy,
I'm not that girl."

Don't you hate it, when you're half committed to something?

Kind of like when you want to go down a certain career path, and you know you could see yourself truly happy there, but you don't know how to launch yourself into that line of work. You keep only thinking about that one job, even if you get offers from others - which are just as lovely - but you turn them down, because you are blinded by one set course. The same set course that will probably never be achieved because maybe they're not hiring at the time. Or they have set requirements that you just don't possess.

Now for you smart cookies out there, obviously I'm not really talking about jobs.

See, I have been in this "half committed" state twice in my life. Once because we had both made that decision mutually to not go out just yet, but not go out with anyone else either, and the other time is now; because things are just in such a state of heavy confusion, that I can't see myself as still on the market.

Now it seems in my life, that every time I find myself in this situation, someone I had previously liked, gets it in their head that this is the perfect time to let me know their feelings about me. 

This has happened both times.

And now that I think about it, it has happened both times by the same person.

Now for the sakes of this blog (and possibly future blogs), we shall call this guy...Jellyfish.

Gee. Jellyfish really has good timing doesn't he?

Now, it's not that I wouldn't really love a relationship with said fish.

Is it even possible to like two guys at once - even if not equally?

Like, I feel as though the feelings I have for Mr Half Committed are a tad stronger. But is it disgustingly rude and mean to say "well...nothing's happening there, move along"?

Yeah. I think it is. 

It's probably not fair to both guys, and just because I've written my true thoughts here, you fellow readers are probably going to think I'm just some freak bitch who tosses boys around like expired yogurt.

But I assure you, I'm not.

I try to be a good person.

And although it may seem, to outsiders, that this is how I treat the males in my life, you don't know the full story.

Ever.

"I'm just some freak bitch who tosses boys around like expired yogurt."

So I have turned down Mr Jellyfish.

And I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for Mr Half Committed.

Because you never know.

Maybe one thing in my life will actually work out.

Just maybe.

"Hands touch, eyes meet.
Sudden silence, sudden heat.
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl.
He could be that boy,
But I'm not that girl."