When God Closes A Door...

"On the floating, shapeless oceans,
I did all my best to smile.
'Til your singing eyes and fingers,
Drew me loving into your eyes."

Why is it, that whenever I finally get past some bad moment in my life, another one reoccurs in full form and glory? It's like I can never just have one moment of peace, or one moment to just relax, and enjoy life.

Don't get me wrong - life is better now. I'm not always upset, nor do I ever feel a "longing" (if you will), for you. It's more like a quiet sigh after a long day. Or the way one should feel after a friendly hook-up.

And I'm pretty sure the thing that had made me so obsessed, was the thought of the chase.

Like I was saying to a friend of mine the other day, the lusting part is the part that's actually the most fun. And I know that isn't 100% accurate - because relationships can be fun too. But they're also a lot of work, and if you're someone who likes change or suspense, they're probably not for you.

But sometimes, when you finally get your prize - the thing you'd been fighting for for so long - you just don't know what to do with it.

You just spent so long trying to get hold of it, you never knew what you would do if you finally caught it. When you finally caught it.

"Somewhere in the middle of the bloodshed, gunpowder, and letters to home."

It's just like those men who would go off and fight a war for four years. When they finally come home - after the war is won - what are they supposed to do? Things are different - are they just expected to go back to their "normal" lives? Pretend nothing ever happened and slot back into their - now filled - past jobs?

Same thing goes for long term prisoners in jail. They spent such a vast majority of their lives behind bars, that a high percentage who get out, often find a way to purposely get back in again, because that is where they feel most comfortable, and that is the world that they know to be "normal".

Sometimes the fight is all we have. And resorting back to our past lives afterwards is just not an option. Things need to change, and a new self is often discovered somewhere in the middle of the bloodshed, gunpowder, and letters to home that had rearranged everything to begin with.

I just find it annoying how when I finally get over a guy, I suddenly find myself in the fight for someone else - which will probably involve a lot more injured soldiers than the last one did.

"I'm looking down every alley, 

I'm making those desperate calls,
I'm staying up all night hoping, 

Hitting my head against the wall."