The Way It Goes.

I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable at best.

 Now I wait, as this blog ruins everything, as always.

This blog is for you, and only you.

In fact, a lot of the things I do are just for you.

Sometimes you notice, sometimes you don't. 
And that's the beauty of it.

Life with you in it, is a gamble. Occasionally you win, and occasionally you lose. For a while I was having a winning streak, feeling like the luckiest person in the world. Then - like any problem gambler - I started to lose. Well, not lose just yet. But flat-line. It makes me question, and wonder, and over-analyse as I tend to.

Do you even like me still?

Are you interested at all?

I know I'm not ready to move on so quickly. But have you?

So many things remind me of you. So I already know it's going to be too hard to just forget.

I want to skip backwards a few weeks. To the fun nights we spent, where everything was perfect and crazy at the same time.

Do you miss it? Do you even miss me? Or am I alone here, with no one but this figment of my imagination - your own ghost - beside me in my mind?

You know, I've experienced that feeling a lot recently. Loneliness. It's like the pain where you can't breathe but you can't die. A clenching in my chest that only rids itself when you're around. 

I'm so sick of feeling this way, and I can feel the old stress levels rising again, tearing at my limits; my breaking points; my boundaries - those walls I'd built so carefully, so securely.

"Loneliness. It's like the pain where you can't breathe but you can't die."

You said to me you wouldn't be able to handle it. But you don't think I don't have the same problems? Where sometimes you just actually do want to be on your own? Where you don't want to see anyone, lock yourself in your room, and listen to the depressing songs that make your top ten playlist?

I'm more alike you than you think. Though you probably already know.

It's not every day you find someone who doesn't mind sharing the same unique burger you like.

It's not every day you find someone who is as obsessed with your favourite TV show as you are.

It's not every day you find someone who likes the same music, the same smells, the same video games, the same movie genres as you.

It's not every day you find someone who has the same beliefs, and the same preferences.

It's not every day you find someone who likes you for who you are, not who you could be. Who likes your geeky glasses and habits and humour and sayings. Who likes calling you cute, and watching how you react under my fingertips. 

I like it how I don't feel the need to dress up when you're around. I like it how I feel most comfortable under your eyes. I like it how I can be myself, because the lame things I love - you do too.

I don't think I'm ready to let go of all that.  

I need to know if you're in or not. Or I at least need to know how you still feel. And not to be influenced by the people around you who think they know best.

Make up your own mind, and I'll be here when you're ready.

Like I always have been. Like I always will be.