Don't Give Up.

"And we tried, oh how we cried.
We lost ourselves, the love has died.
And oh, we tried, you can't deny,
We're left as shells, we lost the fight."

I have this friend. I call him a friend rather than an aquaintance, because that's what I hope we can be. And I don't want to lose him.

Him. Let's just call him LJ for the time being. And those aren't his initials, so don't even think about stalking my facebook friends in an attempt to find him. 

Now LJ, has been feeling a bit...down lately.

Ha, lately. He's been feeling a bit depressed for a while actually. But last night, was the worst I'd ever seen him. The worst his best friend had ever seen him.

And I know he wants us to butt out. Well, at least me to butt out. And not worry. And let him deal with it on his own. He doesn't feel like he knows me enough for me to interfere like I am. And he has a point. 
 

And it makes me wonder. How close do you need to be to someone before you can start calling the shots, claiming that you have the right to know how they are, to know if they're okay? To know if they're still alive? Is it merely the resident best friend's job? Or can other people intrude rudely and ask questions?

Personally, the answers change depending on the situation. 

If you were the one who was doubting your own life, who was thinking of giving up - the answer would be that it's only your business to know, and yes maybe the best friend's, and no one elses.

But if you were the random who cared for said person, then you'd want the answer to be that they'll at least keep you updated. Or talk to you conversationally, rather than a simple "Hi" or "I'm fine" and that's it.

"We all love you."

I know you don't want to talk to me right now. Heck, you don't really want to talk to anyone right now.
But hopefully you'll at least take the time to read this.
You have so much talent.
You have so many friends.
You are smart and unique and just need to apply yourself and you'll be excellent at everything and anything you attempt.
I care about you.
I'm here for you.
No matter how much I'm shunned, or pushed away, I will wait here - quietly or with hoarding questions - I'll still be waiting.

And I feel like I really need you.
I need someone to look after me when I'm crazy and not thinking.
I need someone to learn from, to discover the secrets of the HSC with - the good and the bad, the pressure, stess, and the celebratory eventual ease.
I need someone to breathe out in my face, and tell me not to walk up the driveway - no matter how consistant I am that I'm safe to walk.
I need you to tell me everything's okay - in a calm tone - when I'm breaking down and crumpling in a stairwell - an hour before I'm meant to be on stage - simply fearing for you.

You can use me as an extra friend on Facebook, a warm hug on an icy day, a passing-by wave or nod, or just someone to sit with silently at lunch times. You don't have to talk, you don't have to tell me anything. You don't have to even acknowledge I exist. But you should know - always - that I'm here to listen, and I'm here to comfort or cry, or spill secrets. I'm here for a laugh or a smile or a sit through serious jamming. I'm here to recount good times - and bad times.


But most of all, I'm here.
And that's really what I wanted to say.
We all love you.

"Don't give up,
You still have us.
We're proud of who you are.
You know it's never been easy.
Don't give up,
'Cause I believe there's the a place,
There's a place where we belong."