Stay Strong.

 "So I walked under a bus,
I got hit by a train.
Keep falling in love,
Which is kinda the same."

I have this friend.

She is beautiful, she is confident, and she is the strongest person I know.

Of course, I don't mean strong physically with the decked out muscles, but strong in that she never gives up. She keeps on fighting.
She has her ups and downs, but with the amount of shit she goes through - it's amazing that she is able to keep on smiling, and keep making me so happy.

Her best friend was going through a really hard time today, and called her during rehearsals. And my friend, had said this sentence, while trying her hardest to calm her bestie down.
"Please, please, listen to me, we said we would always be in this together."

And what my friend was talking about, was life.

And a little part of me died just then.

Because I wish I had a friend, who I'd sealed some kind of binding promise with, bounding me to stick in there, if not for my sake - for the other person's sake. 

"A kind of, you jump; I jump, sort of thing."

A friendship like that, is something to really admire and respect. A kind of, you jump; I jump, sort of thing. And I know I feel that way about many of my close friends, I just don't think it'd be entirely reciprocated back to me if push came to shove.


Now this friend of mine, is actually a fair bit younger than me. And it makes me think about just how quickly the years below us are growing up.
I mean, when I was fourteen, I was calmly content with cutesy hand holding with that person who I'd called my "boyfriend", and a kiss on the lips was a pretty big deal.
But with my friend - she's facing things so much bigger than I am even now. Some problems very similiar, yet hers always seem to be on a higher magnitude than mine. 
I'm just hoping that by the time she's my age, she'll have worked out some of the shit and it'll all just be a thing of the past.
Because she is such an inspiration to anyone who's ever been depressed. And she's always the first person i go to for those kind of chats. It just helps having someone who "gets you" - you know?


Stick in there my sexy woman. 
I'll always catch you. You know that.

"All these walls are caving in,
I can't stop my suffering.
I hate to show that I've lost control,
'Cause I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from."

And That's The Truth.

"There’s weight on your mind.
I wanna know,
The truth, 

If this is how you feel.
Say it to me,
If this was ever real."

If there's one thing I hate more than bad grammar, it's dishonesty.

When people lie - straight to your face - not only do you feel like a complete fool for believing them, you feel betrayed. 

Also - just like how I state in nearly every blog - I know that I'm a hypocrite, because I do it too. But we still shouldn't confuse lying with exaggeration. Just because I overreact, doesn't mean I'm constantly lying. It just makes me one hell of a drama queen.

Lying is often borderline on most people's perceptions of right and wrong. But the tough thing is - it's always wrong. Even though it may not be what the person wants to hear, it still doesn't mean it's the right thing to keep it from them. They have the privilege to know, and to understand exactly what's going on. Even if it's "better" for them not to know in the long run. Even if it'll get you in trouble. People might even just appreciate your honesty anyway - and the truth always comes out eventually.

"Lying is often borderline on most people's perceptions of right and wrong."

Recently, I came clean with a good friend of mine. Now - I hadn't technically lied to said friend about the situation - I just hadn't really told the entire truth either. And that wasn't fair. And in no way am I proud of what I'd kept from him - but telling the truth? Well, it actually felt surprisingly good. Like some really heavy weight had been lifted, and I didn't feel so tied back anymore. And I know it hadn't been what either of us had wanted to hear, but we had both agreed that it was nice to know that that was all over and done with.

The worst thing though - about lying - is when you find out you've been lied to after like, three months. By someone you cared about. And sure - I may not have wanted to hear it in the first place, but I still would have liked to know. I mean, we don't always get what we want - and it would have saved me a whole load of effort.

Like when someone tells you that they don't want to go out with you because you're "too young" for them, but then later, you find out that they had never actually liked you in that way in the first place, and had felt they'd needed just some "excuse" to tell you.

Does it make you feel better - giving an excuse like that - making you seem like it was things out of your control that had spun out your decision? Seriously, it would have saved us all so much hassle if you had just told the truth from the beginning.

But you should be proud.

I mean -

You had me fooled.

"You found a million ways to let me down,
So I'm not hurt when you're not around.
I was blind, but now I see.
This is how you feel,
Just say it to me,
If this was ever real."

When God Closes A Door...

"On the floating, shapeless oceans,
I did all my best to smile.
'Til your singing eyes and fingers,
Drew me loving into your eyes."

Why is it, that whenever I finally get past some bad moment in my life, another one reoccurs in full form and glory? It's like I can never just have one moment of peace, or one moment to just relax, and enjoy life.

Don't get me wrong - life is better now. I'm not always upset, nor do I ever feel a "longing" (if you will), for you. It's more like a quiet sigh after a long day. Or the way one should feel after a friendly hook-up.

And I'm pretty sure the thing that had made me so obsessed, was the thought of the chase.

Like I was saying to a friend of mine the other day, the lusting part is the part that's actually the most fun. And I know that isn't 100% accurate - because relationships can be fun too. But they're also a lot of work, and if you're someone who likes change or suspense, they're probably not for you.

But sometimes, when you finally get your prize - the thing you'd been fighting for for so long - you just don't know what to do with it.

You just spent so long trying to get hold of it, you never knew what you would do if you finally caught it. When you finally caught it.

"Somewhere in the middle of the bloodshed, gunpowder, and letters to home."

It's just like those men who would go off and fight a war for four years. When they finally come home - after the war is won - what are they supposed to do? Things are different - are they just expected to go back to their "normal" lives? Pretend nothing ever happened and slot back into their - now filled - past jobs?

Same thing goes for long term prisoners in jail. They spent such a vast majority of their lives behind bars, that a high percentage who get out, often find a way to purposely get back in again, because that is where they feel most comfortable, and that is the world that they know to be "normal".

Sometimes the fight is all we have. And resorting back to our past lives afterwards is just not an option. Things need to change, and a new self is often discovered somewhere in the middle of the bloodshed, gunpowder, and letters to home that had rearranged everything to begin with.

I just find it annoying how when I finally get over a guy, I suddenly find myself in the fight for someone else - which will probably involve a lot more injured soldiers than the last one did.

"I'm looking down every alley, 

I'm making those desperate calls,
I'm staying up all night hoping, 

Hitting my head against the wall."