Letter of Resignation.

Fellow Readers,

I have made one of the most annoyingly difficult decisions in my life.

I am temporarily giving up blogging. 

Not sure when I am coming back.

There will be random posts sent to my Tumblr account (www.missdoona.tumblr.com), but as for proper venting, well, looks like my friends shall receive the burden for now.

Blogging was meant to be a safe way for me to get my point across, or to let people know how I was feeling without actually telling them. Now it just always seems to just get me into trouble, and piss of the ones I love most.

So let's see how long I last without it.

x Dannie.

Over You, Or Over It?

"Don't be obscene, I can't conceive of living without you.

You say you drag me down, no one should want you now,
I start to cry, you kiss my eyes and say I'm not allowed to."

About a week ago, I made a decision to stop the chase. I expected it to be easy. All I had to do was not text you or talk to you for a while until we finally lost contact causing me to finally move on. I would give you monotone answers via technology, as to not confuse myself, or even you in where I stand here. But then, the night after my decision, you call to make sure I'm alright. And it all comes flooding back. Hours of hard work destroyed in one "accept" of the call on my mobile.

You tell me constantly to move on. Saying not to waste precious teenage years on you; that I should be out there, messing about and having fun. I mean seriously this is sounding as fucked up as a Twilight novel, with Edward trying to convince Bella to live out the rest of her experiences and all that (yes, I know I just used a Twilight reference - it's sad, but unfortunately fitting). 

But you of all people know that that's all easier said than done. I guess I'll get used to it eventually. But when I finally move on, I wonder: Will it be because I am over you, or just over everything else?

Everyone knows that getting over someone who doesn't have any interest in you at all is the hardest thing to do. Especially when everything you see and do reminds you of said person.

For example, I can't hand out scratchies at Boost, see a certain kind of car, visit the school hall, go to Penno Park, or say sooo many words just because they all remind me of you. So this is: working, going near a road, going to school, walking around my local area, and talking I'm rambling on about here. And you wonder why I can't just drop everything and turn my back on you? Everything I fucking do brings back some memory that my brain is being too stupid to just forget.

And it hurts, knowing that those memories, are now all in vain.

"Waiting a year may do us both some good."

***

I went on a camp this weekend. Well, not really a camp. More a three night hike with about a thousand Venturers (15-17 years)  from all over NSW, plus approximately six hundred Rovers (18+ years), all going to a remote forest, camping and hiking, doing activities and basically just being plain fucked. Personally, I go to Dragon Skin to have fun and meet new people (and catch up with all my other many acquaintances). This event, however, is more renowned for the amount of hook-ups, and sex that goes on between those who are desperate enough to have a one night stand in a cold tent. Maybe it's just because Venturers are mostly made up of horny, social rejects, who - when all put in the same location - feel the need to just mess around. And I know I don't have the cleanest record. And yes, I also feel it's a different thing altogether when you are an official couple on this event. But seriously, how much more desperate can you get?!

It was at Dragon Skin when I met this really attractive guy. And I don't mean your average "yeah he was the hottest out of this small group of people" kind of attractive. He was legit. One hundred percent yum. Tall (with the most gorgeous blue eyes I have ever seen), brown wavy hair, excellent built bod, seventeen (turning eighteen), finished school year twelve, lives on the Northern Beaches. You know, the works. And he went after me. And I was flattered - heck, I pretty much went after him myself. 

But it was after a few hours of nice smalltalk, lame pick-up lines, cute hand holding and subtle touching, when I realised I didn't want this. Nor did I want to become one of those desperate teens who know they can't get it any other way - "so why not with someone who's in the same boat?"

And I realised, that I was still hooked on you, and no way was I going to be making out with this attractive young man, while seeing your face in my mind, feeling your body under my fingertips.

So I turned him down. No joke.

And the funny thing is? I still had a great time on 'Skin; hanging with my women, still acting messed, without the pointless hookups or things that I might have later regretted.

***

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to forget you just yet. But I'm not going to dive at you either. 

Waiting a year may do us both some good - I could become more mature and stop with the tell all blog posts, and you could sort out some priorities that could maybe be shuffled around just a bit. Like living as opposed to constant work. Or at least putting complaining about something you refuse to change to the bottom of your list of things to talk about.

Friends for now, I can probably live with.

"Is there a chance, a fragment of light,
At the end of the tunnel, a reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?"

Dedicated To My Ladies. You'll Know Who You Are.

"Best friend, never gonna let you down,
Best friend, always gonna be around.
You know, whatever life puts you through,
I'll be there for you."

I've spent a great deal of my time stressing over boys. The guys who push me down, or make me soar - either way, I always have my beautiful ladies to vent out to. All the stuff that is left out of this mismatched blog, is shoved into the ears of those beautifuls who will listen. This blog, is for them.



My number one lady; I have known you for seven years now. You have been pushed and shoved by my many rants, raves and tangents. And you have been through your own share of experiences - and we both have learnt from them. You are a great person, always annoyingly happy, and there when I need you. I know I can call you at whatever time in the night, or occasionally expect to see your happy face waking me up in the morning. Our talks to keep us from being scared by the Blair Witch will forever educate me, and here's to the many more comforting chats to come.


My next darling, I have been friends with for about three years now. Originally starting off as "drama buddies," we have grown closer with way too many in-jokes to account for it. You are part of what makes drama my favourite subject, and you always give the best advice. You keep me up to date with the world happenings, and I am guaranteed a smile or laugh if I have a class with you. I thank you for that.


Then there's a new lovely, who I only met this year, but I feel like I have known forever. You share my love for musicals, singing, and unfortunately - have introduced me to the love for older boys.
You're so funny, even though I constantly call you a freak, and it's nice to just hang out, I feel I can pretty much tell you anything. You're good for listening to my crazy schemes and constant whinging, and you're always so optimistic - even when all the odds are against me.


Then there's that ranga freak who I feel I've grown close to recently. Part of the "drama buddies" section, you're probably my most funniest friend. You are quick on your feet, and the best improv actor out. You assisted in founding my love for T2 (although not quite tea yet) and I will one day get you that St Andrews boy you so desire...I also secretly like the way you say "Dan-Yell" - but only when you say it.


Another dearest - the one I miss the most. It is true that I feel we are growing apart - seeing as we can only really see each other in the holidays - but I still love you more than ever.
With seven years of memories built up behind us, it's hard to forget the friendship we share. Sure there have been hard times, especially back in primary school when I was queen bitch, but I am so glad we worked through those and became as close as can be. You will forever be "the Girl Next Door" - and I still have the ladder, where it will always stay near "your" fence.


Plus I can't forget the darl who pulled me through year ten. So much venting from the two of us, so many secrets, so much pointless chatters and stories about boys. I have learnt so much from you, and I hope I have helped you through things too. You encouraged that weird nickname of "Doona" which stuck, and with the name, came all those "Sexy Doona Times" we shared on those cute sleepovers and horror movie marathons.


Next on my list, is the kiddo who I feel like I've known my whole life. I still remember going to your place after school, drinking from cute baby's bottles and watching Thomas the Tank Engine. It's memories like this that make me wish I could just go back, and do it all again - living in the past and refusing to grow old. You are my life in a time machine, full with your now disappearing innocence but beautiful and meaningful personality. You may not always come off well in the right places, but you always have the best intentions at heart.


Then there's that one who I don't know as well as many of the others, but deserves a spot in this dedication blog just as much. You are adorable and sweet and I just want to put you in my pocket and carry everywhere. Whenever I see you in person you're always smiling, and it doesn't matter if you get onto the "naughty list" - because I will still love you regardless.


And how could I forget that cute slurry who lets me get loose every once in a while!? Of course, everyone is so surprised when they discover your age, but I don't care - you're so mature and I look up to you so much. You help me through my lowest lows, mainly because you've been there before. It's good to have someone I can relate to, and someone who understands me no matter what I'm going through. Sexy French Maids for life.


Not to mention my little bookworm friend, who I happen to spill all kinds of recent events on to without any remorse. You just sit and listen, taking in all the details and giving me another perspective to the situation. Your knowledge on the really random things in life never ceases to amaze me, and I hope you never change. So glad you like it Miss Fairfax. 


Also, there's these two girls most people from the musical see as a pair. You two are both amazing when it comes to cheering someone up. One of you - always smiling, and singing me happy songs to get me to relax. The other, always working me through really stressful situations, allowing me to see something seemingly humongous as something that is insignificant and just "one of those things." I love both of you, even though I don't know you guys as well as I'd like to. 


Last but not least, is the new kid on the block to whom I promised a mention. You're beautiful - here's to all the sexy times to come.what? 
Haha :P




I love you all. I sometimes feel like I don't appreciate you guys as much as I should. And every wasted opportunity to hang that I've left because I was too lazy - I'm sorry, I will try to be better.


xxxx <3