Ruby Moon.

"A blind man in a dark room - looking for a black hat which isn't there."

She sleeps. Quiet, silent, restful. Music-box ballerina dancing out her lullaby. A single pirouette, all while she sleeps. All limp and full of dreams. Hopes, ambitions, wanting, needing. Did you know her? Past tense. Where did she go? Past tense.

She's not here now. Shadows leap about you, and you only notice that they make you feel cold. Shudder. Like leaving the back door open. Shudder. Was it open when she disappeared? Past tense. 

Don't trust the wizard. And if he gives me hope? Don't trust the wizard. I wish he were here now. I wish we could wind back all the clocks. I used to wish a lot of things. Past tense.

And none of it matters now. Not that it matters. Not that it ever mattered anyway. But whose decision was that? Who made that call? Who took the shots? Unless it's all your fault? It's all your fault. And doesn't that make you feel tense? Doesn't everything?

And there's another one. Her allure so strong. Her perfume so toxic. And what do you get from her? Nothing but a mouthful of ash and a handful of lies. Nothing but a bookshelf of memoirs. Memories. Lifelines. Cloudy, rushed, spherical and coloured by the binding lights that snatch at you and take you away - leaving me in the dark with all these blackened objects, burnt and crumbling, but then you can't see them anyway. Because they don't exist. Does anything? 

Oh but there she is again. Still asleep. And you don't know what she's dreaming of. Do you understand the nightmares? Did you hear about her horrors? Can you listen to her silent screams that pull and tug and gnash in her mind? Music-box ballerina spinning her last pirouette. 

Bet you'd never noticed that. Past tense.

*inspired by Ruby Moon - an Australian play by Matt Cameron.

The Way It Goes.

I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable at best.

 Now I wait, as this blog ruins everything, as always.

This blog is for you, and only you.

In fact, a lot of the things I do are just for you.

Sometimes you notice, sometimes you don't. 
And that's the beauty of it.

Life with you in it, is a gamble. Occasionally you win, and occasionally you lose. For a while I was having a winning streak, feeling like the luckiest person in the world. Then - like any problem gambler - I started to lose. Well, not lose just yet. But flat-line. It makes me question, and wonder, and over-analyse as I tend to.

Do you even like me still?

Are you interested at all?

I know I'm not ready to move on so quickly. But have you?

So many things remind me of you. So I already know it's going to be too hard to just forget.

I want to skip backwards a few weeks. To the fun nights we spent, where everything was perfect and crazy at the same time.

Do you miss it? Do you even miss me? Or am I alone here, with no one but this figment of my imagination - your own ghost - beside me in my mind?

You know, I've experienced that feeling a lot recently. Loneliness. It's like the pain where you can't breathe but you can't die. A clenching in my chest that only rids itself when you're around. 

I'm so sick of feeling this way, and I can feel the old stress levels rising again, tearing at my limits; my breaking points; my boundaries - those walls I'd built so carefully, so securely.

"Loneliness. It's like the pain where you can't breathe but you can't die."

You said to me you wouldn't be able to handle it. But you don't think I don't have the same problems? Where sometimes you just actually do want to be on your own? Where you don't want to see anyone, lock yourself in your room, and listen to the depressing songs that make your top ten playlist?

I'm more alike you than you think. Though you probably already know.

It's not every day you find someone who doesn't mind sharing the same unique burger you like.

It's not every day you find someone who is as obsessed with your favourite TV show as you are.

It's not every day you find someone who likes the same music, the same smells, the same video games, the same movie genres as you.

It's not every day you find someone who has the same beliefs, and the same preferences.

It's not every day you find someone who likes you for who you are, not who you could be. Who likes your geeky glasses and habits and humour and sayings. Who likes calling you cute, and watching how you react under my fingertips. 

I like it how I don't feel the need to dress up when you're around. I like it how I feel most comfortable under your eyes. I like it how I can be myself, because the lame things I love - you do too.

I don't think I'm ready to let go of all that.  

I need to know if you're in or not. Or I at least need to know how you still feel. And not to be influenced by the people around you who think they know best.

Make up your own mind, and I'll be here when you're ready.

Like I always have been. Like I always will be.

The Harry Potter [Tik Tok] Parody.

What you are about to see, are lyrics re-written by myself, set to the overplayed song Tik Tok (by Ke$ha). 

This is my beautiful Harry Potter version, and when you compare these lyrics to the Tik Tok ones already on YouTube, you will know that I am incredibly amazing. I am yet to film an awesome film clip for this as I am insanely busy (as always) - so until then, these lyrics shall do. 

Try singing them to the rhythm. I'm excited.

VERSE 1:
[HARRY:]
Wake up in the morning lying next to Ginny
Grab my glasses and my wand
I’m off to Hogsmeade City
Before I leave, feed Buckbeak with some ferrets and crap.
‘Cus I guess I’m all he has without Sirus Black.

VERSE 2:
[HARRY:]
So now I’m writing with all my quills quills
My broomstick’s got the thrills thrills
Dementors give me chills chills
(Doo Doo Doo)

[RON:]
But the Patronus works we agree
Learnt it in Dumbledore’s Army
I wanna have sex with Hermione…

CHORUS: (repeat)
[HARRY:]
I'm the one
The chosen one
Yeah I talk to snakes for fun

[HERMIONE:]
Stick to
What you're taught
Before you go chasing Voldemort

[RON:]
He’s the one
The chosen one
If you’re his friend you’ll be outshone
Like

[ALL:]
In-cen-di-o!
In-cen-di-o!

VERSE 3:
[DRACO:]
Ain’t got a care in the world
Because I’m pure of blood
And yes I may be mean and nasty
But I’m a super stud

And now the death eaters line on up
‘Cus they hear we got Scabbers
But we kick ‘em out the door
Unless they support Voldy’s powers

VERSE 4:
[HERMIONE:]
I’m talking ‘bout
Everybody messing with time, time
Dementors control the crime, crime,
Let’s fight for another rhyme, rhyme
(Doo Doo Doo)

[GINNY:]
Yeah-eh until the horcruxes die out, out
Or the ministry shuts down, down
Ministry shuts down, down
Ministry shuts dow…

CHORUS: (repeat)
[HARRY:]
I'm the one
The chosen one
Yeah I talk to snakes for fun

[HERMIONE:]
Stick to
What you're taught
Before you go chasing Voldemort

[RON:]
He’s the one
The chosen one
If you’re his friend you’ll be outshone
Like

[ALL:]
In-cen-di-o!
In-cen-di-o!

VERSE 5:
[RON:]
In Gryffindor,
You’ll ask for more,
I want to score,
With Hermioneee

[CHO CHANG:]
You make me soar
If you’re hardcore
If you’re hardcore
Just like Diggory **{pronounced Diggrryyyy}

[RON:]
In Gryffindor,
You’ll ask for more,
I want to score,
With Hermioneee

[CHO CHANG:]
You make me soar
If you’re hardcore
If you’re hardcore---

[LAVENDAR BROWN:]
Now my Ronny I heart from the very begin…

CHORUS: (repeat)
[HARRY:]
I'm the one
The chosen one
Yeah I talk to snakes for fun

[HERMIONE:]
Stick to
What you're taught
Before you go chasing Voldemort

[RON:]
He’s the one
The chosen one
If you’re his friend you’ll be outshone
Like

[ALL:]
In-cen-di-o!
In-cen-di-o!