Respect and Care.

There are some people I know, who have no respect.

They have no respect for the people around them, and no respect for themselves.

Now, respect has been a kind of life lesson from as soon as we'd begun to talk.

Respect your elders. (Unknown)

Men are respectable only as they respect. (Ralph Emerson)

Self-respect is the cornerstone of all virtue. (John Herschel)

Respect yourself and others will respect you. (Confucius)

Respect a man, he will do the more. (James Howell) 

So to not have respect, seems to be going against all that we've ever been taught.

You won't go far in life, without respecting your teachers, your employers, or anyone above you in the social ranking. Or at least, you'll find life very hard without it. That's a given.

But instead of respecting the people higher up - what about the people you're supposed to care about at the same level? Shouldn't we respect our close friends, or our siblings, or our significant others too?

You don't seem to think so. Yet there will be hundreds out there to disagree with you.

Respect is a lot more than just being nice. It's about caring about the other person's judgements or opinions. About caring about their feelings, their beliefs. About looking up to them (no matter how short they may be). Just about caring.

The fact that you did none of those to me - and we were supposedly "going out" really offends me. No hard feelings of course - it made getting over you a lot easier. Why, it only took me say...two seconds. If you weren't such a dick, it would have been very different. But you are a dick. So actually, in a way, thanks for that.

"Sometimes we expect more from others, because we would be willing to do that much more for them."

But I'm still seriously annoyed. Who says "yeah we're going out" when they don't even care for the other person?

It's like some unwritten law that to be in a relationship with someone you have to care about them. Care about how they're feeling, what they're up to, where they are.

Care about whether their dog's operation went well, or if they passed that dreaded maths test.

Care about whether they ended up figuring things out after that fight with their parent, or if their music performance flopped or not.

Care about them in general, without thinking that they're some creepy stalker for knowing where you are - when in reality, they only know these things because they listen, and can put two and two together.

Is that really respectful, to tell your supposed girlfriend that you don't actually care about her, or anything else? 

Is that really respectful, to lead someone on like that, before informing them that they can "take you or leave you" - meaning you don't care whatever outcome they choose?

Is that really respectful, to accuse your supposed girlfriend of trying to change you - something she'd told you from the very beginning that she would never try to do.

People should stop being paranoid and just get their acts together.

People should stop thinking they're king shit and treat others right.

People should stop being disrespectful to all of those who have or have tried to ever help them.

Stop being a dick. Stop being a bitch. Stop being all those things that people dislike. Don't change yourself, but change the way you react to people. That's not all that contradictory - it's not changing your beliefs, culture, interests, or anything - it's just called being nice, respectful, and caring.

Maybe you should learn it sometime.

Like Promised.

"So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?
Well I guess the answer is don't do it in the first place."

There's this girl I know, who is absolutely amazing.

She's always been there for me too, always giving the right advice or warnings, or just generally brightening my day.

So what annoys me the most, is that when she in turn needs me - I'm so useless.

People who have seen proper questions on my formspring, can see that I'm generally helpful on the whole advice-giving area. But I guess there are some things that can't be solved by just talking.

There are some moments where you just need a good long hug, a good cry on a shoulder, and two good McDonalds burgers to even feel slightly better.

"I can't fix everything, no matter how much I think I can, or how hard I try."

And this feeling of uselessness - I know it's not my fault. I mean, I can't fix everything, no matter how much I think I can, or how hard I try. But it still hurts all the same, to see someone you feel so close to all crumpled by something inevitable that's going on in their life.

This was only a short promised blog.

Pretty much to say I love you, and I'm here for you.

Even if I'm never completely up-to-date with all the details, nor have the best wisdom when it comes to this area.

But when you make half a heart shape with your hand, I'll be here to make the other.

Always.

x

"But the search ends here,
Where the night is totally clear.
And your heart is fierce,
So now you finally know that you control where you go,
You can steer."

Your Eulogy, My Funeral.

Death. Afterlife, annihilation, darkness, decease, demise, departure, destruction, dying, end, ending, eternal rest, expiration, extermination, extinction, fatality, grave, heaven, loss, mortality, obliteration, oblivion, parting, passing, ruin, silence, sleep, termination, end of life.

I have found - especially recently - that the talk and experience of death in my life has become too prominent. And too common. 

I've had friends with severe, self harming depression.
I've had several friends swear to me that they won't be alive by the end of tomorrow.
I've had hardcore lasses promise that they will slit my throat the next time they see me.
I've had pets die, and seen lambs break their necks on my birthday.
I've been to the funerals of deceased relatives and family friends.

I've heard stories about people whose best friends overdosed at the incredibly young age of fifteen.

I've had two friends (that I know of) - both younger than I am - who were actually diagnosed and then prescribed with anti-depressants.
I've had a time in my life when over 30% of my friends had depression.

I have a friend who never listens, who's always upset, and who always throws around dark  statements about how he's going to kill himself.

He "jokes around" about his deadline; how long he has until he goes through with it.

"I've had several friends swear to me that they won't be alive by the end of tomorrow. "

Is this really the kind of world we live in now? Where people are living in the shadows and dreaming about non-existence? Don't get me wrong - I'm not blaming anyone for any situations they're in right now. I've been through depression, and I know it's not pretty.

But why should it be this way?

Wars are still existent. Don't people learn from history?

People suffer from things such as AIDS and starvation in Africa. Yet if we all donated a few dollars a month to these poor beings - these things could be prevented.

Why do some people become cursed with cancer?

Why do innocent people get gunned down in hold ups and robberies?

Why do reports of domestic violence still exist in today's society?

Why do teenagers commit suicide at this age - before their lives have even truly started?

Just why?

All day - every day - I have these questions spinning around and around in my head.

Is that the same for you? When it all becomes too much, and too insanely crowded and cluttered?

When everything is just too stressful, and too crazy, and too painful? 

And there's only one way to fix it. One way to end the pain forever. One way out. Right?

Do you think you'll go to a heaven? A "better place"? Or do you think you'll be stuck here forever, haunting those souls you abandoned? Those poor people, friends and loved ones that you just dropped and left behind. No one thinks about these things.

Because that's the thing, isn't it?

After death, no one cares about you. It's over. They care about the person you were of course. They care about the person they'll never see again. But you? You're nothing now. Nothing except a pile of ash or a corpse rotting in a box. 

And what about the people you forgot about? The living ones. The troopers, the survivors, the ones that soldier on. 

Did you ever think of them?
They're the ones who have to deal with your death.

They're the ones who have to face the world without you.

They're the ones who have to cope.

Think about others for a change. Don't do everything just to please them - still be yourself. But consider them. Every time you think about doing something - consider them. Every time.

Every time.

"But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds,
and into the light at the end of the fight."